Friday, February 26, 2016

NOTE TO SELF: the sticky notes series

i am feeling SO overwhelmed.

i love to blog. really really really love to blog. i would do this all day every day if i could make a living off it.

unfortunately i can't.

so - i'm cutting down. you may have noticed already that i'm not posting as much as i have been. (october was kind of a post aside from that.) i want my blogging to be real - not just something i pump out every once in a while because i feel like i should keep this up.

i want to post the highlights. the stuff that sticks.
old stuff that i love, new things i think are awesome.
things i would change, things i love and hate at the same time.
i would love to have red hair.
i fail at bible time but its a new years resolution to remedy that.
as much as it tries to kill me, i want to start running.
and i want to look at the good things.
i want to learn the little things and remember them.

i therefore introduce to you:

i will be doing two series at the same time. Note to Self as they come, and then If Places Were People every other week.

Note to Self  will be the little lessons that i learn that i don't want to forget. these lessons are actually written in my horrid handwriting on my bedroom walls, but i want to share them with you.

because somedays we just need little sticky notes that say it's gonna be okay.

I may not post as much. but hopefully these posts will be less of me blabbering and more of
look what i learned today! what do you think? 

plus - you know - these are probably gonna be on canva things so AWESOMENESS.

stay tuned, lovelies.

Friday, February 19, 2016

lend me your ears...or eyes. whatever.

hello lovelies -

so here's the deal. i went to norman, ok, right? and it was a wonderful trip. we did a lot of amazing stuff while i was there:

 - Milk tea with boba
 - College campus, libraries,  backpacks, and sore feet

- taking pictures with my iPad, so they're not anything special, unless subject was awesome then I did use my regular camera.
 - piano music in Beaird Lounge
 - the little stationary/journal/neat artsy stuff shop that was like, three blocks away from campus.
 - trying (and failing miserably) to food blog 
 - drinking water because dehydration is not fun.
 - LEARNING. (aka: an honors class in which I learned that one interpretation of government is that it harnesses the ambition, vanity, and ego of human nature, and pits it against itself. Ambition against ambition, ego against ego, want against want. I NEVER KNEW THIS and partially hated government for it. it always seemed like government was supposed to be above human nature. But when it is described like this is offers the idea that government uses human nature and it totally makes sense now.)
 - people watching and stereotyping, which I would normally protest against, but while on college campuses and in airports it's basically a sport.
 - takeout thai food (MOST FAVORITE EVER.)

- our own attempt at thai food - which was rice made with coconut milk, beans, and curry powder sprinkled over the top (it was really good.)
 - late nights that turn into study times that turn into music jam sessions with four female voices and a guitar and a ukulele that turn into wall-sits and planking (the roommates have accepted me as one of their own. I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF.)
 - first time flying on a plane. which was awesome, and terrifying, and terribly liberating. (see?)
 - visiting my awesome friend who showed me all over campus and we got to talk about EVERYTHING. (Okay well maybe not everything but she really confirmed my suspicions: she's seriously the coolest person in OK right now.)
 - #pianohandsami and #travelbug...check out my instagram @saminuxoll.

this trip to Norman was what i would consider my first solo adventure (i've been on many trips with groups of people, aka my family, but this one i was on my own...for at least part of it.) (basically this was me.) and so i'm like, YAY NORMAN, but then i'm like, oh. home. and then i have to decide, and i end up with the conclusion that travel is wonderful and new things will always be lovely and visiting friends in their lives and worlds are usually wonderful things, but home will always be my world which is okay. because that's my world, and they have theirs. and we can visit each other. And maybe even I will get stuck in their world sometimes but that's okay. Good, healthy even. (Yeah I totally just quoted Flynn Rider. #bombdiggity)

the thing is, while i was there i got an email from a previous professor of mine. he was the one that taught me to love writing. and he says "sami, i'm starting a creative writing course, and i know you're getting ready to go to midwifery school and you need to save money for that but i also know that you love to write so if you want you can audit this course" and i'm like "TOTALLY. COUNT ME IN!!" because i mean really: it's poetry and creative writing.
and so one of the assignments for the class was to write a memory and/or place using imagery and assertion, simile and metaphor, and make it live. so i get totally excited about this assignment and i end up writing about norman.  and then i realize that i love writing places into people, and that's how this poem about norman looked and i'm like:


and so I'm writing and writing and I end up with this poem about how Norman was kind of a place-fling for me. don't get me wrong: i loved norman. its just that norman wasn't for me. it was flat and i'm a mountain kind of girl, and the museums were great but you can only go through so many museums before you get sick of them. so this poem is kind of how i feel about places, which is basically I LOVE new places but in the end i will always return to mountains. particularly MY mountains, to home. and so then I'm thinking about how i could try writing a lot of different places as people - the ocean where we've always gone, the cabin that we have in the woods, Arizona when we took that road trip, even downtown in my hometown and then by my house and the next thing I know I'm like:


And so just a note:   i swear this first post about Norman is actually NOT how i feel about dating people. And the rest of these posts in the series are not how I feel about family or friendships or PEOPLE in general. It's just how I see places - how I relate to places and maybe even how my pen took over my brain for the length of the poem. 

This post: it's a bookmark: it's a colon: it's me saying BRACE YOURSELF because the series that's coming? If Places Were People.  It's gonna be awesome. Mostly because I'm stoked about it but let's be real: sometimes that's all awesomeness needs to get started, is a little excitement. 




Tuesday, February 16, 2016

if places were people. no. 1

if norman were a person, norman would be curiously normal.
normal norman.
whirlwind romance across flat squares and circles and grey veins of unleafed trees.
we spent a week together and only took pictures
of some things. remember how we met?

remember how some days i wore a dress and you made sure your sky suit was blue
and your breeze flirted with my hair and for a moment
you had all my attention?
i almost remember thinking that not even my long-term relationship with mountains could taint that.

but at the end of the week the whirlwind took me back to my mountains.
and you tainted the mountains with your ink of red clay and azure atmosphere and because you tainted my mountains, you faded just a little.
now the pictures are faded too.

you were just a fling: a moment where your flat land hands held up my feet
and your skies let me breathe for a week
and it was good except it really was just a fling so
i didn't stay.

i think i'm the player because
i think that will happen with every place i meet
i think they will love me for however long i'm there
and then one day i will get up and leave nothing more than a note written

in the sand in california. in the dirt on the outside of an english moat, maybe i'll scratch it into the stones of paris or into a papyrus leaf in egypt or maybe even into a palm tree in the carribean or indonesia. maybe i'll put
the note in a bottle and toss it into the ocean.
all i will leave is a note
and the absence of the perfume that i don't wear.
the note will say "thank you." that's it.
you will be the person i couldn't spend the rest of my life with.

you will be the place where the museums were nice and the skies were blue for the most part but other than that there wasn't much to say or do. there wasn’t much of you.
and now we’ve bumped into each other, 30 years late, and you are the same. maybe
a little grayer. but still flat

with squares and circles of plots where people have pushed you over
and plowed into your dirt. your veins of unleafed trees are a little deeper, still a dull paper gray.
and the only reason that i say "hi" and not "how are you" is because you are still just normal.
you couldn't keep me happy then, and you still can’t now. you’re normal norman.

and maybe that's wrong of me.
maybe one day in another 30 years i'll come back to say that i'm sorry and
i’ll mean it.
maybe one day the whirlwind will take me back to you and we will laugh and watch children play in 

your fields but i will be remembering the way your hand brushed mine 
as you reached for my fallen books and the thud when they fell against the concrete path
the ringing of my phone that made me drop them in the first place.
i will almost remember the painfully normal day before
i met you, when the whirlwind had just set me down.

i can promise you that if it does. if the whirlwind does bring be back to you
i will only stay because my wings have been cut off,
and my feet have blisters that won't go away
i will only stay because i can't leave

and you will write your vows on the other side of the note that i left
and i hope to god
that i don't ever have to see you again.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Leibster Blog Award

SO - here I get this Pinterest message from Abbiee at her music blog. (This alone was enough to make my day.) (#pinterestaddict) 
And this message says that she has tagged me for the Leibster Blog Award. 
I have seen this award. 
It floats about the internet like gold stars on a European restaurant.  (Go watch The Hundred-Foot Journey. SO GOOD.) 
and I love tags. 
Incentive + ability + TOTAL EPICNESS = BEST
What could possibly be wrong about any of this combination??
So i give to you:

Here's the rules:

1. Steal the logo thingy. Yep, go ahead, take it! (Or, you can dig around on the big wide Web and see if you can find another one that somehow fits your blog better. Or you could make one. This one is from Abbiee. It's pretty awesome. i don't see why you would need a different one.)
2. Link back to the person that tagged you. (Hello. That would be me.)
3. Answer the 11 questions that I provide for you at the end of this post. (So. Many. Questions.) 
4. I looked up the official rules for the Liebster award, since i had never done it before and i wanted to LEARN about it (because i love to learn.) and guess what? You're supposed to provide 11 random facts about yourself. (yesssss.....) so do that. tell us about how you eat nutella at midnight and only use slippers on christmas and have only ever had two pets at any given time. 
5. Tag 5 – 11 bloggers that you think deserve to be Liebster of the Year (i don't think that's actually a thing but shhhhh - don't tell anyone :), who have a less than 1000 followers. (apparently you can get a little widget for your blog that lets people know how many people have followed your blog. or you could just ask the blogger. Or you could just guess. Because really....who's counting?) i was confused on the number of nominations you could give so i googled the original liebster blog award and basically the rules have morphed over the years. some people say 11 bloggers, some say 5, some say 10, some say as many as possible. I JUST THINK ITS FUN TO FIND OUT ABOUT PEOPLE. so do however many nominations you want. TAG AWAY.
6. Ask them 11 questions. (or more. or less. but why would we ask less questions? this is an interrogation, right?) (kidding. its actually not. but if it was it would be the coolest interrogation ever.)
7. List these rules in your post. (if you want you can copy and paste from here, or you can do your own interpretation.)
8. Let your tagged bloggers know you've tagged them, via social media or their blog. (IMPORTANT STEP. and give them a link to your blog post that nominates them because if they don't have that then they can't see the questions.) (lol, no i'm not talking from experience. that would be ridiculous.)
9. Also, just as kind of an should really leave your nominator a link to the post you write. Because that's why you were nominated: someone loved your blog. 

So my answers to the phenomenal questions asked by the phenomenal Abbiee:

>>> Best childhood memory?
I don't think I can actually choose just one......maybe the time our friends came over from Portland and we had "Camp LongWalk", which included homemade toy boat races, and lots of bug spray, and sardines, and vienna sausages, and water fights? Or maybe the time we went on the road trip with my aunt to Mount Rushmore? Or maybe the time that Lexy, Dad, and I were home without Mom and Dani and there was a thunder storm so we hung out in the kitchen with all of the doors to the house open and drank chocolate milk and watched the rain come down in sheets? Or the time that we took an unexpected adventure to the coast just because we could? All of it. Really. CHILDHOOD WAS AWESOME.

>>> What is your opinion of Tumbler?
My opinion is a generalization:  Tumblr is full of awesome people who are probably less awesome in person and have less than awesome lives but make them seem awesome by presenting facades on this social media column. They are also often obsessed with some movie or TV series, and this is the subject of much of their circles. (Truth: I would probably have a tumblr if I had more time. God knew that I could only actually live life if he put 24 hours in a day. If he had put in 25, I would have a tumblr, and it would be terrifying. And time consuming. And I would rule the world through tumblr, which would be a disaster. Thus 24 hour days.)

>>> Current Favorite Song?

>>> Spirit Animal?? (it can also be a person)
 Tea. Tea is my spirit animal. Either that or a manatee. I like those things. 

>>> What is that thing that, when you do it, you feel ALIVE?
Traveling, especially when it involves public transportation. It's like all of my senses are turned onto super-mode, so I see and hear and feel and taste and smell everything 10 TIMES MORE INTENSE THAN I NORMALLY WOULD. It's like having the volume turned up. (Second choice: running. Because it is then that I realize how close to death I am.) (Thus why I never run.)

>>> Are GIFs life or annoying? Both.  I love them because there are some really incredible GIFs out there that make me react like Exhibit A. But then there are also some really lame ones that people say are awesome and my reaction is something like Exhibit B.

>>> Do you stare at them forever just to read lips with the caption?
Yes. Especially when they only get half-words in there and you're start thinking WHAT DID THEIR FACE LOOK LIKE FOR THE REST OF THE WORD? #problemswithgifs  #lovehaterelationship

>>> Was that last question confusing?
No. Not at all. I get that.

>>> Dream job?
Midwife or Librarian.  Or official tea taster. Or I would love to be a professional hybernator. (That one is still in the works but I think we can make it happen.)

>>> Who is your greatest spiritual influence?
MMM. MY MOM. She's the best.

>>> If you had access to a time machine, where would you go?
I would go back. way way way way way back to when i was just a kid, and the worst thing that happened was sunburns and blisters on my feet because i wore that stupid pair of flipflops for too many days in a row. I would go back to when breakfast meant sitting in the strawberry patch stuffing my face with the red fruit, brushing off the umber dirt if there was any stuck on the scarlet, seed-speckled surface. I would go back to when sitting in the hottub in the winter ALWAYS included running out into the snow and rolling around and then jumping back into the tub and the slicing, stinging skin pain that made us shriek with hysterical joy. (and as weird as that sounds, we had a GREAT TIME.) i would go back to before life meant bad things happened too. i would go back to when life meant that summer would always come around and the lawn mower doubled as a 4-wheeler in the wintertime so we could pull the sled around because we didn't have a hill in our yard. i would go back to when my brain wasn't clouded by the everyday mundane fog of lists of things to do and think and say and be and look forward to and worry about. i would go back to simpler times.

and that is quite possibly the most depressing thing i have written since this little downer. 


11 random facts about me: (and my sister helped me with these so beware...hehehe)

>>>  blood orange gelato is my greatest weakness. (Shhh...don't tell.)
>>> I have only ever broken one bone, and that was my middle toe on my right foot. (We were playing Disney tag in a narrow hallway...weird things happen.)
>>>apparently I "gulp" my water.
>>> and "viciously" brush my teeth. 
>>> and my know in the movies where the edge of the world is falling off and the people are running on the little pieces and they have to not fall of the edge of the world and it's really intense and kinda scary??? That's how I drive....or so I've been told. 
>>> the ocean/seaside/beach is my most favoritest place to be. 
>>> despite the beach being my favorite place...I despise swimsuits. 
>>>  I think music is super awesome. And I think the passion that people have for music and arts is really epic. And people who love to do music....they're pretty superb. 
>>> this is not my first blog. I started doing a food blog like, four years ago, and there's maybe 8 posts on it...and I never really do anything with it, but I'm thinking about ressurecting it. 
>>> I do actually eat Nutella late at night.....*sigh*...confession. 
>>> I am a completely unique person. I am an introvert, but I like people. (Sometimes they're stupid, but all of us are at some point.) I don't like fish or chicken legs or good earth tea. Cooking is a stress relief for me. I like music that I like, not any specific band or any specific genre. I like clothes that are kinda hippie, kinda cool, kinda grunge. (Like boyfriend jeans and tunics and combat boots and leather jackets with simple necklaces and fun socks and almost curly hair.) If I could fast forward or rewind, I would think long and hard about actually doing it. But you know what? I wouldn't actually do it. Because I like where I'm at right NOW. And I like my life and who I've become and what I've learned. I am unique. But so are you. So we are both different, but we have similarities. We are grown the same way...with lots of water and food and sleep and laughter and hard work and tears and life. Unique, and beautiful. (Wow....okay #chillsam #endofrant). 

My questions for you...hehehe....

1. cake, ice cream, or pie?
2. where do you go to think?
3. if you were sick in bed and you could ask someone from any time period to come visit you, who would you ask?
4. favorite word?
5. what is your perfect pizza?
6. favorite thing to do with friends?
7. how do you exercise?
8. Do you like yourself? 
9. Who is your fictional tv show character? (I know I'm not supposed to comment on these but I had to on this one.) (for example: my sister is certain that I am Sheldon off of The Big Bang Theory. Which is probably the closest we can get to making me a fictional character, although I would be a really nice version of Sheldon and I swear I don't complain that much.)
10. Why did you start blogging?
11. If Godzilla came crashing through your hometown, or wherever your living, what would you do? 

AND NOW? THE NOMINATIONS. MWAHAHA. (Please excuse this poorly executed linking...I'm still trying to figure out my blogger app and let me be quite frank: I HATE IT SO FAR.)


Alright my pretty little peaches: don't forget the rules, feel free to paste and copy as needed, and don't forget to leave me a link to your blog when you're done with this doozy. I LOVE ALL YOUR BLOGS. They seriously make my days so nice, because they're so cute and cheerful and thoughtful and adventurous and basically shisihgUTJYRTDRCjnasljdhfkasjdhf ........yeah. I love them. :) 

Thanks to Abbiee once again! This was so fun! 

Happy blogging, Leibsters!

p.s. I apologize for the length of this post.....but never fear. I have faith in your eyes. :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

tuesday morning

and some days you can't really do much except make a thing on canva and hope for the best. 
happy tuesday! :) (it feels like a monday though....)