30-ish before 30. (i can't believe i'm actually making this list.)

so normally i'm one of those people who hides in their room on their birthday.
i don't check my facebook.
i don't answer my phone (mostly because letting the well-wishers leave a message is WAY less awkward and honestly, i LOVE LOVE LOVE the messages they leave me.) OKAY FINE. exhibit a: i still have three different messages from three different people saved on my phone from my 16th birthday. Me? sentimental? never...
and i have a really hard time planning my own parties. or doing anything on my birthdays other than mope around because dang it i'm one year older, one year closer to dying. screw it, let's just plan my funeral now.

I really actually THINK THIS ON MY BIRTHDAY.

this year, i'm turning 20. *cue dirge*
this year, i'm considering writing my eulogy. *enter mourners clad in black*
this year, i--

"HOLD IT."
*awkward silence*
*sad sami gets pulled off stage by happy sami*
*whispered conversation ensues*
"you can't just..."
"yes i can..."
"you need to get a grip, girl..."
"but-"
"NO."
"i need to-"
"you are going to have a good birthday and you are going to enjoy it or so help me-"

*happy sami smiles from corner of stage*
"Hi everyone! sorry about that...Sami's having issues with turning 20. It's kind of understandable considering that its the end of her teen years but i think she's taking it a little too far, don't you? So to help her cheer up, we're going to help her create a list of all the things she's going to do in her 20s, okay? LET'S DO THIS!"

1. Buy a van, refurbish (or refurnish...can't decide on the word here), and road-trip across the U.S. with a small incredible group of girls and an amazing soundtrack. Do a blog specifically for the trip, let all the girls post on it, and take 7 billion pictures. (more or less...)
2. Do some form of obstacle course race.
3. See a Broadway show. In New York, of course. and listen to "Welcome to New York" while there.
4. Learn "Flight of the Bumblebee" on piano. Play it for Vicki.
5. Write. a) that novel. b) a book of poetry, thoughts, etc. maybe just make it a memoir. c) short story. d) a work of nonfiction, if you have an idea for it and everything is working out.
6. MISSIONS.
7. Experience something that takes your breath away.
8. Learn another language. 
9. Find your superpower.
10. Rest.
11. 1 blind date.
12. Takepicturesandmakeitahobby.
13. Travel internationally.
14. Dance in the rain.
15. See the Northern Lights.
16. Visit C.S. Lewis' home, or his grave, or somewhere related to him. (Narnia would be great.)
17. PARIS.
18. Throw a pot on a pottery wheel. 
19. AMSTERDAM.
20. Keep few secrets.
21. LONDON.
22. Tell that person that thing that you've been putting off for forever. of course, only if the opportunity arises. 
23. VIENNA.
24. Run after God. There is nothing else.
25. ROME.
26. Read Shakespeare. 
27. BERLIN.
28. Visit every continent. (including Antarctica.) 
29. MOSCOW.
30. Ride an elephant, while not in the U.S.
31. Add to this list, and chronicle it. 
32. Do something (travel, bookstore, whatever) with Jana. 
33. Work in a library.
34. Do something musical with Lexy. 
35. Messy Twister while wearing white clothes. 
36. Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, and Shawn Mendez concerts with Jana.

and then, after i wrote this list on a piece of card stock with a rainbow of different colored sharpies, i wrote this, too:

Because you are wonderful. Beautiful. Things can always get better, and God's hand is on you always. Fear not, and live without regrets. Do what you know you should do, and everything else will fall into place. 
This is your bucket list to get you through life. It's okay if you don't finish all of them before you turn 30. After all, that's only 10 years down the road. But make sure you do at least some of them, and whichever ones you miss you can add to your yet-to-be-created 40 under 40 list.
don't forget to Carpe this Deim. 

darn you, john green (my 10 favorite quotes)

So, you say John Green quote and its like #heaven.

Rule #1. Don't read the books becuase they are not clean. There is a hearty percentage of non-Christian content in these. And that content is gross and repulsive.
Rule #2. If you do read these books, there is some really profound and intense writing (I am indecently jealous of John Green's abilities as a writer) which will make you think that it makes up for the bad stuff which is wrong. The bad stuff is bad enough that you shouldn't read these.

but I did. and darn you, John Green, you came up with some INCREDIBLE quotes.

Allow me to share them with you:

note: these are all from Pinterest. But PROBLEM: some of them are grainy. sorry.

i didn't know how to fix it.  dang it, technology.

Perspective and New Year's Resolutions

Sometimes, I think I am the most cynical, sarcastic, pessimistic person on the face of this earth.

I start thinking of all the bad things: My back hurts. And my face. Today was REALLY boring at work. I feel dirty right now. I don’t want to have to go to Bible study tonight. My dog won’t leave me alone! Dinner is not made. I just want to go to bed.

The list continues. I find myself creating this dark sphere around myself that only holds in the bad things. I have to search – really search – to find the good things.

Then something will happen, and I snap out of it for a bit. Sometimes it’s my pastor telling me that I’m a little too sarcastic. Sometimes it’s my sister laughing at me. Sometimes it’s a random person on the sidewalk saying something that lifts my spirits.

And that’s when I remember that often it’s not anything that happens in my life that makes me cranky. It’s my perspective that is off, and it throws every other aspect of my life into confusion. All I have to do is fix my perspective (or sometimes, I can’t do it – God has to), and I remember that all those bad things? –they have a good side, too.

My back hurts because I went bowling with my friends a month ago and had a blast.

My face hurts because I accidentally ran into a wall with it. (IN MY DEFENSE: It was very dark and late at night.) My family got a good laugh out of it, anyway...

Today actually wasn’t that boring – I witnessed a very special act of kindness by a man that came into the office. He offered to fix a water-damaged picture and frame for one of the secretaries that wasn’t in that afternoon. No charge, he took the picture to his shop and re-matted it, so that she could keep on enjoying it for a lot longer than it was going to last originally. She doesn’t know who did it; he asked us not to tell her, just for us to hang the picture on the wall and wait for her to notice it.

I feel dirty – but do you know how incredible that hot shower is going to feel tonight? And, if I really wanted to feel clean today, I should have woken up when I was supposed to and not slept in.

Bible study always makes me feel better. It’s a good mid-week redirecting back towards God.

My dog won’t leave me alone because SHE LOVES ME!!!! I feel really bad about it usually, because I’m allergic to her, so I can’t touch her, but every morning she still tries to get me to pet her!

Dinner is halfway made, actually. All I have to do is get the salad ready and make a salsa.

Bed? BED?!? Sleep is for dead people. I can do it then.

(Okay, so the last one was really cynical, but hey... funny too!)

Perspective can change a lot of things. It can change our outlook, our goals, our plans, our opinions.

My New Year’s Resolutions this year? They are a little different for 2015, a little less like a to-do list 

and more like a “Jesus, please change this in me because it’s driving me CRAZY” list.

I added another one today. If I ever think a negative, sarcastic, cynical, or pessimistic thought, I have to counter it with a positive one. One that shines brightly like a child’s smile or the first star of the night. A thought that reminds me that there is a good side and a bad side to everything, but we have to choose which side to look at.

Because how we look at something, our perspective, changes everything.

My 2015 New Year’s Resolutions

1. Be “taken” by God. Make a Jesus-time routine. Do what Jesus would do. Spread the Light.
2.  Live in the moment.
3. Establish a regular, healthy workout program.
4. Read more. (52 books in a year!)
5. Blog twice a month.
6. Learn photography. Take a picture a day for one year.
7. Go somewhere I have never been before.
8. Laugh and smile more. Say thank you. Give compliments.
9. More sunrises (i.e. get up earlier).
10. More music (listening and making).
11. “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” –Samuel Beckett.
12. Counter negative thoughts with positive ones.