contradiction moderation passion

i wish for love but cannot give it
i crave rain and hate the sunshine
why does the sun make me sad
while the rain lifts my spirits?

i am a contradiction

i scream for peace, but secretly
i fight wars with bombs and sacrifices and
casualties.

i say, let it happen as it happens
it will all work out
but behind me i am scrabbling for anything
a secret latch
a doorway
a light switch
and when i find it i push push push relentless
because something must give or I will go insane.
because what if nothing ever happens?

when it does open up like
ipomea alba when the moon rises
i am happy
for a moment

because i am a contradiction




i want to move forward but i'm
comfortable where i'm at.

i want to have adventures but that means change
not just change of
scenery or
what i wear
or a lack of the comforts of home
but it means i must change too
i must learn i must adapt.
figure it out on my own.

but i am a contradiction

i wish for opposites
i crave differences
as black and white
hot and cold
but of course
of course everything must be in moderation.

contradiction or moderation
and i can choose neither
but I am both.



the only thing that
i don't think should be contradicticized
is passion.

passion
that sweet terrifying swell that wells up
and takes over
charming as stolen kisses.

never live without passion.
the opposite of passion is not
any specific thing but rather
a lack of passion.
not having anything to be excited about.
not having a purpose
or a thing that makes you dizzy because you get so excited
or that thing that makes you cry because you're so happy
that thing that fuels your fire.

not the bad angry fire
but the fire that is your life
that fire that says "this is how brightly i'm burning,
this is why i live"

passion fuels that:
what are you passionate about?
what is it that you cannot have in moderation?

what is it that says
screw contradiction and feelings and logic
i must do this with everything i have
i must throw myself at this subject
i must immerse myself
i must live this

this is my purpose
not contradiction
but rather, passion.

i am contradiction
i am moderation
i am passion waiting
to pounce.
I am passion.
I am passion.
passion.