HOW TO STAY COZY IN AUTUMN:
Step 1: buy internet data.
Step 2: never get out of bed.
Step 3: surf Pinterest and Facebook and blogs ALL DAY LONG.
And that’s it.
The only problem with this is this tiny little thing called finances. In order to have successful
finances, you have to have a job.
Which requires getting out of bed. (unless I missed something. If you know a
way around this little roadblock LET ME KNOW.) because my life is basically me doing things but in my head i'm going:
For the first 7 months of my job i tried to figure out how to dress appropriately. (Qualifications include temperature of clothing, applicability to the season of the year, and is-this-nice-enough-to-wear-there.) AND I FAILED MISERABLY for the first 7 months. It was awesome. At this point though, i'm barely keeping myself warm and cozy, so i don't know how my advice will help. you're probably just here for the amazing gifs.
So here’s what I do, because I have a job and,
unfortunately, no internet connection at my house:
STEP 1: Dress as cozily as possible. (Guys, I don’t know how
you do this. I am not a guy thus I don’t know a) how you dress and b) if you
ever get cold because you didn’t dress warm enough. I’m assuming you don’t have
issues with this because you were all built with those blasted internal
furnaces that God forgot to put into
girls. *pointed look at God*.)
So girls, listen up:
Leggings, flannel-lined pants (#heaven), and warm skirts
with leggings are your best bet. Then, layer your tops: tank-top under a
t-shirt or long-sleeve under a sweater and/or a scarf. Then, warm socks and boots, or just
regular shoes if you’re feeling brave enough to conquer that terrible condition
known as ice toes. Next: DON’T FORGET THE COAT. Get something warm. As
much as I hate long coats, they really are lovely in the midst of a short yet
frozen walk downtown. (I believe my words were “MY LEGS ARE ICE LEGS.” …or
something along those lines…)
STEP 2: DRINK WARM LIQUIDS. Yes, you will have to pee. But
tea is lovely, as are toilets. Can’t have one without the other.
Also coffee is great, although you will suffer the consequences of addiction and HYPERNESS. NOT GOOD. Sometimes even hot water with a little stevia extract is nice, or
lemon and honey tea. OR whatever other lovely liquid you’ve conjured up. (I love
new ideas so let me in on your secrets.)
These are what I do, all autumn, and all winter. My sister
thinks I’m crazy because I don’t do Step 3 like, EVER. But let’s be honest: The cold never bothered
me anyway.
(Except for days when I didn’t get enough sleep. Then it bothers me
more than an itch I can’t reach.) (And I can reach most of my itches.)(So that
says a lot.)
STEP 3: TURN UP THE DANG HEATER. Sometimes that’s all you
can do to keep the cold monsters at bay. My sister’s room usually feels like a
sauna in the chilly early morning hours because someone decided to put wall
heaters in our rooms. Lexy uses hers like the rapture might happen and goodness
we want to get our use out of these before then, now don’t we?
(this is how lexy looks at the heater whenever i turn it off.)
But really. The best course of action is to stay in bed
under a pile of blankets and hope no one notices you. (Maybe you’ll be able to
avoid the job police.) (Let me know the success rate on this. I’m considering
doing it myself.)
(seriously sometimes i nope so hard i turn into this octopus.)
STAY WARM, PEOPLE.
And offer tips. I love it when people give me new ideas of how to not freeze.
okay, so that gif of the little girl might be the funniest thing I have EVER seen in my laugh. that is what my inner self looks like when someone takes the last cooke or drinks the last cup of coffee. and I know something that will 100% of the time get you warm: come to Burkina, where the average October day is somewhere in the 90's with unnaturally high humidity :)
ReplyDeleteI"M COMING TO AFRICA (not really, but i would if it meant warmth. seriously, my windshield frosted over this morning and i BECAME THAT LITTLE GIRL.
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